“Let him kill the scary spider in the corner”
“Don’t give it up on the first night"
“Wait exactly 90 days before you have sex”
From the time we are young girls, we are given “the rules” about dealing with boys. They are embedded in our brain right along with brush your teeth and say your prayers from our parents. When we are women we are given the “rules” by dating magazines, books, and television.
We don’t know whether to “act like a lady and think like a man” be dominating or submissive. We don’t know whether to reach for our purses to pick up the tab, or let him pay. We get talked into circles.
Then we over-analyze. Sometimes those books and magazines will have you thinking you have done everything wrong in your dating life up till this point when maybe that’s not the case.
Even if you don’t read dating and self-help books, the voices of your mom, sister, and best friend echo in the background of your mind during the first date.
But every now and then you might meet someone with whom you can’t apply the list of rules. He is the guy that challenges your whole belief system, and what you think love and relationships look like.
Welcome this lesson with open arms. Sometimes you cannot turn to page 19 for a quick solution on how to handle him.
I recently had a self-help book swap with a friend of mine. As she told me about her new guy interest and how she was going to apply what she learned with her new friend I just quietly listened. As I read the book I started to question my own actions. That’s when I thought perhaps I was taking things to seriously.
I am in no way discrediting dating and self-help books. Personally, I have read several that I have found very helpful. I’m just saying it’s important not to go over-board and scrutinize every move you make. Just relax! Intuition and mother-wit should still have the last say.
Take heed of the advice that strikes a chord with you; that when you read it you know instinctively its true. And never disregard your wisdom that can only come from your own experiences. Learn the difference between advice that makes you uneasy because you are afraid to leave your comfort zone, and the advice that is just plain old irrelevant to who you are and what your situation is.
Sometimes I just want to say “ f” every dating advice columnist and expert. How freeing it would be if the motto “Just Do You” was adopted by everybody. There would be no inhibitions, no rule books, no lies or “running game.” But we all know that’s not the case.
With that being said, I do believe that there are some rules that are universal and can be applied to at least 80% of relationships. It’s that advice your mother probably gave you back in the day, before you walked out of the door, eager to go on your first date.
1. A man will show you who he is with actions, not words.
2. Keep those legs closed until you find out where a man stands and what he is about. (I’m still debating the 90 day thing however..)
3. How he treats others is eventually how he will treat you
4. Be a lady.
5. Know when it’s important to be “right” and when it’s best to just be quiet.
What are some of your rules?
P.S. Speaking of dating books, I am currently reading “Why Men Love Bitches”. So far so good! Will have a full review posted by Friday.
