Why I Don't Want a Boyfriend

"Boyfriends are on your relationship status on Facebook. Soul Mates are forever connected with you on such a spiritual level, people can sense your bond even if neither one of you communicates it."

Over the past few months I have experienced a range of emotions when it comes to relationships. I have felt insecure, because friends and ex-boyfriends, and guys I used to "talk" to have gotten married or in serious relationships. In the back of my mind I’ve thought “Why can’t I get this right?” I have felt bitter about most of my relationships leading to a dead end or have beat myself up for mistakes I've made in the past. But most of all, moving to a new city where I barely know anyone has made me lonely.

When loneliness creeps in, there is a temptation to think that all my problems would be solved if I only had a man in my life! I would have an escape from my shared house with roommates. I would have someone to go grocery shopping with and see movies with on the weekends. I would have someone to keep me warm at night.

Lo and behold, one afternoon I met someone I instantly vibed with. We hung out and it was a great experience. He was polite and a gentleman, compassionate, and fine! Not only that, we had so much in common it felt like I had known him a while.

Not too long after we met, he expressed his interest to be my boyfriend. Wow! Isn’t this what I had been subconsciously asking for? However, something didn’t feel right. It was too soon. I hadn’t known this person long enough. Furthermore, I thought that even when I did get to know him more I still wouldn’t want to be his girlfriend.

This is when I realized I don’t want a boyfriend.

“Whoa! Back up! What are you saying Orneno? You want to be alone?” Hear me out…

In the past I would pray for God to send me a boyfriend, a “good man”. Now I pray for something deeper than everything I have perceived as a “good” relationship in the past.

I want connection with longevity. Someone I see myself having children with. I want a Soul Mate, someone I can connect with on every level; physically spiritually and intellectually. I want someone who will support me as I support him and together we transform the world.

Have you ever kissed someone or held their hand but it didn’t feel sincere, deep down? It is possible to be with someone who is the textbook definition of “a good man” saying and doing the right things, and the relationship is still unfulfilling. This comes from our need to fill a void so badly, that we go ahead and settle knowing something isn’t right.

A boyfriend accepts and loves you for who you are. A Soul Mate does this as well, but takes it a step further and influences you to be a better person. Boyfriends and girlfriends break up when they can’t solve their differences. A Soul Mate looks at these differences and says “I’m going to love you anyway!” Boyfriends are on your relationship status on Facebook. Soul Mates are forever connected with you on such a spiritual level people can sense your bond even if neither one of you verbally communicates it. I believe Soul Mates can transcend all of the excuses we make for not making people our boyfriends or girlfriends; there is no time, this person lives too far away, etc.

Now don’t misunderstand me. Boyfriends are great! Having a boyfriend or a girlfriend leads you to learn a lot about relationships the opposite sex and yourself. A boyfriend can turn into a fiancé and then a great husband.

I’m just saying that my perceptions of relationships and my expectations have evolved; I no longer want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship.

And neither should you! You have already set your standards for a relationship, the kind of man or woman you want, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Don’t back down now, because the picture looks a little bleak or all of your friends are booed up and you are still alone. I can guarantee this will only create more problems than it will solve.

This view might be controversial, but I believe as women we should definitely date around more until we find a man worth settling with, instead of trying to make the next guy that takes us out and has good conversation our man. Men do not settle down until they have found exactly what they want in a woman so why should we? (Note I didn’t say sleep around, unless that’s how you really want to get down. If that’s the case PLEASE use protection).

Yes, I do still plan on dating. I love the whole courting, random text messages in the middle of the day, and the “caking” phone calls at night. I love connecting with men and getting to know them more. I always have. It’s just that now I date with a better understanding of exactly WHAT I want, a Soul Mate, a future husband and the father of my children.

This is how I feel now. My needs may very well change. There may be a time when having a boyfriend will be just be fine with me until I do meet my Soul Mate. I definitely believe everyone enters your life for a season a reason or a lesson.

Maybe you think I am asking for too much in a world where the media makes it seem as though because I am a Black woman, finding a man I am completely compatible with is impossible. But I believe in the saying “You get what you expect.” I expect greatness and the fulfillment of my destiny through the man God has intended for me, so I know this Soul Mate will meet all my expectations and more.